the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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