I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
