You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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