it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
