I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
