Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
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