my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
