ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
