I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
