and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
