What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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