Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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