So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
