Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
