I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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