so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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