There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
