you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
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no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
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I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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