On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
