I haven't been this sober since birth.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
