one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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