2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
