i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
