here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
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All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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