The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
All I want is dick and wine.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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