i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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