Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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