I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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