I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
