ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
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