I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
