better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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