she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
