I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just google imaged poop.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
this just has baby written all over it
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
