so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
