I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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