covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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