Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
