Having a random hookup so left but love u
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
