my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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