...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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