i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
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Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
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You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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