I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
