Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
