Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
