i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
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It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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