Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
