bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
