you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
