at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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