dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
