I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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