OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
