i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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