I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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