Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
