Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
