Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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