That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
