I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
