Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
