I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
