we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
