I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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