I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
