This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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