You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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