i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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