Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
