Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
honey bunches of taint.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
