Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
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$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
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In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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